I have been really struggling with what to post on here – because lately I have been wrestling with a lot of change – and a lot of fear that what I share won’t be received warmly. I have meditated on this a lot – and this morning it hit me. I am worthy of love and sharing my message and thoughts. If the people I’m afraid of not accepting what I have to say receive this and it triggers feelings of dismissal, it has absolutely nothing to do with my life, my compassion and love for others, or my self worth. You can’t do the work for others. You can’t fix people who do not want you to succeed.
This leads me into the real topic: Self worth, and the ability to heal yourself so you can know when it’s time to leave a situation that is toxic, unhealthy, or abusive.
The first important thing I can share is that it is not your job to fix other people. By all means, if they are receptive and respectful and are open to what you have to say then go right ahead – but you are in no way obligated to stay and help someone who is treating you like crap. It took me a long time to realize this. I have been stuck in the same story for years. If I stand up for myself and the feelings that I know I should honor, what will happen? Will people desert me? Will I be alone? I think this is when the low self worth seeps in and it’s easy for manipulators to gaslight you into thinking that the toxic situation or relationship you are in is normal and you are crazy for thinking that you deserve something else. The fear can be unbearable.
If you raise your self worth and leave the situation, will it mean isolation? Maybe it will, but only for a moment – you need to look your fear in the face and remind yourself that there are so many beautiful, kind hearted souls that will embrace you with open arms out there. SO MANY. THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST. You may just have to put in the extra effort to find them – and you may be alone for a few moments. They also might be there already. Being in toxic relationships and situations can consume your mind 24/7 – try taking a step back and thinking about the people in your life that have always been a positive light – reconnect with them.
If loneliness and isolation are what you fear, then that is the unhealthy relationship talking. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY OF FORMING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS – AND YOU CAN. Share your feelings. Be vulnerable. Live authentically. The right people will be with you every step of the way.
Find. Your. Tribe.
Find the ones who light up when you talk about your successes – That GIVE as much as they take. Find the ones that you know in your heart would never share your secrets – Those who beam when their fellow humans succeed and accept the praise and love when they also succeed. It’s not a one way street. It’s not a competition. It’s a give and take. It’s an ebb and flow. It’s love.
Stop the negative self talk. Listen to your thoughts. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Are you constantly cracking self-deprecating jokes? Are you constantly exclaiming, to whomever will listen, what a dunce you are? That stuff leaves its mark. Try replacing the negative self talk with something positive that you love about yourself as often as you can. You will see a huge improvement in your self worth. Learn when it’s time to stand up for yourself. Don’t chase praise from people who relish keeping it from you.
You have the power within you to stop being a victim. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to sit at home all day and recharge – but never let dark situations stay too long in your psyche, taking away your power. You have the power to change your reality and the circumstances around you. You are strong. You are capable of rising above.
To be completely transparent, I was in the most toxic relationship of my life a few years back where I felt that I was completely worthless. I couldn’t keep the attention of the person I loved. I was never ever good enough. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of friends and it manifested in raging social anxiety where I could barely talk to people over the phone or go into a grocery store. I slaved away at the gym and counted every calorie. I isolated myself from my family. I tried to mold myself into this image of perfection in order to keep (what I thought) was the love and the most important relationship of my life. I quit auditioning for musicals – something I have been passionate about my entire life. I started telling myself that I should find a more realistic career. I allowed myself to fade away from my own life, my own passions and goals.
Everyone is capable of finding themselves in these relationships and situations and being on both sides of the fence – and when I think back on my past-self the one thought that blazes in my mind is I wish that someone would have told me that the isolation of leaving that toxic situation would not be the death of me. Maybe they did, and I didn’t feel worthy enough to believe it.
So here I am. Writing this. Hoping that at least one person suffering in silence finds some hope. Raising your self worth and leaving unhealthy situations will not kill you. Love is abundant and waiting for you. Take care of yourself so you can love and be loved in the healthiest way possible. ❤